See that picture? That’s me, smiling, laughing, being myself. I had the honor of being featured in the Humans of Madison project created by my friend Griffin Harrington last week.
Why am I telling you this? Because this picture reminds me of how I feel inside most of the time. That smile you see is truly authentic 90% of the time. However, the other 10% of the time I feel as though I am not truly being myself. Today it hit me that I will probably not get to be an employee of the Walt Disney Company for much longer. Long story short, I am having a hard time getting all the hours I need to remain an employee. And if I get fired that means I cannot apply for another job with Disney for 13 weeks, so I will also miss the deadline for the Professional Internships for the Fall of 2015.
Whoever is reading this probably doesn’t care much about anything I just wrote. But I am here to admit to myself and admit outloud that today, I am not happy. That girl in the picture is long gone today. The past 3 years of my life I have spent preparing for a job with Disney. I have big dreams. Big aspirations. I have a big drive.
Today, however, I feel small. I feel helpless. I don’t like being here. And I need to figure out how to get out of this place, it doesn’t suit me well. I am meant to be smiling, inspiring, and encouraging.
When I sat down to write this post I didn’t have a plan for what I was going to say, as you can tell from the lack of organization. Sorry about it.